I'll never forget hearing the words "It's a boy" for the first time. I don't think I cried. I was probably still in some state of shock after the not-so-pleasant scenery they vaguely prepare you for in birthing classes. Regardless - Monday, April 23 2007 will forever be remembered as the day my first son was born. The thought and concept of being a dad was not quite real until then. It was nice to hear people talk and share insights about the great wonders of being a dad, but clearly I had no idea what to expect because I had no children of my own. The only reference I had was that of my own father. From what I'd observed through the years, he made it look easy. So the idea was to just bank on the working knowledge I had of his fathering techniques.
Here I am. A little over four years out with one more addition. What have I learned thus far? My dad is a great actor because being a father is far from simple. For the mothers who are thinking, "Well, so is being a mom" please here me out. Parenting is hard. No doubt. In many households, mom serves both roles. But why am I placing the emphasis on being a father besides the obvious reason? Let's be real for a moment. We have all been trained to function in a patriarchal society. Men dominate many of the decision making roles in this country, if not the world. As a result, it becomes extremely important for men to understand and become more sensitive to these biases, double standards, and privileges that have a strangle hold on our culture. The impact this has on our daily lives has become so common place that we hardly notice how deeply ingrained it is within us. We've all heard the riddle of the man and a boy who go to the hospital after being in a bad accident. Upon looking at the boy, the doctor says "I can't work on this boy, this is my son." (The first time I heard it, I was perplexed) The obvious answer evades our minds at first glance because somewhere deep inside our being, somewhere almost hidden, we are accustom to associating doctors as male, not female (If you still haven't figured it out, the doctor is his mom). The point is, the role of a father is vitally important because of the dynamics of living in a male-dominant culture.
Being a father means more than just having a son or a daughter. It means more than teaching your boy how to fish or change the oil in a car. It means more than walking your daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. Fatherhood is about leadership and the many challenges that come along the way. If you can't lead, you shouldn't have children. Real fathers aren't afraid to challenge what this culture says a man should be. We're more than beer drinking, sports-enthused, adrenaline junkies who think with our genitals and love money. At least I'd like to think so.
In the blogs to come, my hope is to share my insights and experiences with raising boys in a culture that is designed both for and against them. In doing so, my greatest hope is to open dialogue about the many challenges that come with parenting to build a sense of community and encouragement amongst those who choose to follow. My disclaimer is that I plan to share truth - as I experience it - so if that means uncovering my own shortcomings in the process, so be it. I'm not a licensed counselor or psychologist, have done no research nor attained an advanced degree in child development - I just call it how I see it.
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